Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
