38 yer olds are good kisserssss
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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