Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
