I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
In America we eat man semen.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
