She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
COCAINE IS GR8
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
