are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
