Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
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