Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
