i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
