so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
two words: eviction party
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
