I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
