Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
