I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
i love accidental penises.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I have surprise drugs for everyone
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Randomize
