remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
