I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
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