mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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