Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
