OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
