based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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