Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
