giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
