i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
