so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
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