You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
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