Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Randomize
