she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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