she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
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