sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
