I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
