think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
This is my gift to your gina
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Randomize
