You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
