Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
