the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
