Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
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