I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
