i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
