All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
