he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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