I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize