i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
