I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
