Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
