Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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