I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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