pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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