Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
