I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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