Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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