you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Randomize
