I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
