Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
