and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
