Already got asked if we're dating
sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
