"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
