so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
If I die, sorry about rent.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
