i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
