New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
