WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
