So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
