It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Randomize
