the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
