you have to choose: penises or morals?
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
