If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
