this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
